Heart of Rejection #1 (Poem)

The tears fall down my face

As the pain flows out my body
Feeling every hurtful word, every fight
Feeling all the anger at myself, all the self hatred
All the unanswered questions
The reasons why, the broken promises

I sit here blaming myself
Feeling I'm the blame for your actions
The anger I have for myself
feeling ashamed, embarrassed, worthless
Ashamed for feeliing I wasn't good enough
Embarrassed knowing it was my fault
Worthless because you always leave

A heart breaking in two
A heart crying out for you
Crying out for your love
Wanting you to love me
Wanting your attention
Wanting to hear you honestly, truly love me

I just want to know the truth
I want to know what's truly in your heart
What do you really think of me?
What do you want from me?

This anger has control over me
It's gripping my heart
It's taking over my mind
Thinking about how you've done me wrong

If you saw my broken heart on the floor
Would you fix the wound, would you handle it with care? 
You wouldn't, you haven't
You left it there to bleed and never looked back

You turned your back on me time and time again
Will I ever be good enough?
Will you ever truly give me your heart
Will you ever truly surrender to me?
Will You ever stop hurting me?

Don't ever shed tears over me
Dont ever say you're sorry
Keep telling yourself that I'll be ok
Keep telling yourself your doing  right by me, you're not 
Deep down you know your doing wrong
Keep singing that same old song 
Your the one that has to live with it
This is My Heart of Rejection

What I Wish He Would Say.... (Poem)

First of all,

Deep down I have a fear of not being a good son and brother 

And most of all of not being the man and husband you deserve

The loss of my father is the worst pain I have ever felt

Witnessing my fathers lasts breaths and doing everything I could to save him and not being successful

I have regrets of not telling him how feel and not saying goodbye

Most of all I have regrets for the things I have said bout him 

and more than anything I wish I could take it back

and for that I hate myself

I feel it's now my responsibility to protect my mother 

And mostly my baby sister

Please know I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders 

And it is very overwhelming

I have a lot to deal with a lot I can't really deal with too much

I need you to understand

But I want you to know this:

I want to truly apologize for the pain I have caused you

I know I'm really hurting you

I know you've put up with so much

And I know I have said a lot of hurtful things

know that I truly hate myself for that more than you know

It's a lot to ask for you to wait

But I need this time to get back on my feet

If you choose not to wait you are free to go

But know this

I don't want to lose you

I don't want you to go

I love you with all my heart

You are the love of my life 

While I do all this

I promise to tell you I love you

Day in and day out

And show you how much I appreciate everything you've done

It breaks my heart to have to do this to you yet again 

But I have to do this

I am not leaving you I couldn't

This is not goodbye

When all is settled I will come to you and we will

Live happily ever after.....

I love you 

Love, Always and forever