Little Country Boy (Poem)

So tired of the back and forth bullshit
So tired of the mental and emotional abuse
You love looking down on me
You're tearing me down don't you see


You have to be the one to have the last word
The last say of how my life should be
Building me up and tearing me down
The minute my heart is healed
You open up the wound
You leave to bleed


You have no control of your life
So you have to control mine
Control my precious heart
And stealing who I am


Stealing who I am
With all the yelling, screaming 
And the mental abuse


Why do you hate yourself so much?
Why are you so ungrateful?
Why are you so angry?
Why are you so unhappy?


Fighting the demons in your head
Gripping who you don't want to be
Making you think your a man
A man doesn't lie, abuse
He knows how to treat a woman
Treats her with tender love and care


You think your tough
Your the weakest person I know
Running away from the truth
Not facing what you've done wrong 
Hiding from what's really there


Why are you so afraid? 
Afraid to let people see who you are


A person scared, selfish, mean, ungrateful
All you do is feel sorry for yourself 
Whining and crying poor me, poor me
It's just about you, that's what you call selfish
Thinking only of yourself


How can I love such a person?
It's because my whole life
Has been abuse, believing the lies
Being brain washed, that's what you do
You Brainwash me wash me to believe 
You don't love me


You don't love me 
You don't care
You are a lover of yourself
Never caring about my feelings 
Never wanting to deal with me


You can run away 
But I'll always be in the back of your head
The guilt will haunting you
My face will always there
You will never be free of me
Not until you face what you've done


You want to have the chains on you
You don't want to be free
You want to be stubborn
Why do you want to live like that?


You're only hurting yourself
You're torturing your heart
Your making yourself angry


You're just making me stronger
Making forget you
Making me hate you
Then you will no longer
Have someone to destroy 
All your going to have is yourself
The person you can't stand
The person you hate the most
Continue destroying yourself
Cause that's the only person you're destroying


I'll be free from you
What are you going to do then?
You're going to be lost
No one to turn to 
No one to control
What are you going to do then?


Do you feel like a man?
Do you feel tough?
You think you've won don't you?
No, you've lost
You're losing everything...


Little Country Boy, what the hell is wrong with you?!!!!!!.............

I'm Dying (Poem)

My body is tired of fighting this heartache
I have no strength left
It's slowly dying, it's slowly giving up
It no longer wants to keep going 
Its hard to breathe, it's hard be happy


I feel is unworthy
I feel not good enough
How much more can I take?
Will I ever be ok?


My chest hurts because my is broken
I feel it literally breaking
It knows it truly over
It doesn't want it to be true


Love is not strong enough to keep fighting
Forced to let go, forced to stop surviving
If I can't have you, I don't want to go on


Your love is my medicine
It keeps me smiling
It's food for my soul
It keeps me sane


Sane to live in this cruel world 
And shields  my heart from harm 
It takes me to a peaceful place
It helps me love myself


But you took it away
As you always do 
Maybe I was just there for you
To take you away from yourself
To take you away from your reality
It was just for you
Never thinking about what it would do to me


I'm sick to my stomach 
Thinking I'm nothing to you
Feeling anger knowing nothing I  can do 
Will make you love me


I'm slowly dying
A piece of me died
The piece that felt love
The piece that held on to you 
And believed it was forever


I'm slowly dying
Would you be happy if I did?
Would you be free of the guilt?
Would you finally smile?
Would you finally laugh?


I know you would
no more worry bout what you've done
You'll finally forgive yourself  
And be happy
I'm not I'm slowing dying
I can't fight this time
I give up, I don't want to fight
No more, no more


You took away all my strength....

Why Lord? (Poem)

Everytime I try to say goodbye
You stop me, why Lord?
Everytime the pain gets too overwhelming
You give me signs that I need to hold on, why Lord?


Why is he heavy on my heart?
Why do I hold onto him so tightly, why Lord?
Why can't you take is face out of my mind?
Why do the memories never fade away, why Lord?


He's done so many bad things
He's hurt me so badly 
I want to let go but you don't let me, why Lord?
Why do you want me to feel this pain?
I'm tired of fighting this
I'm tired of feeling weak
I hate the anger I have for him


I can't take this anymore
I can't go on like this
My heart is no longer strong
I just want to give up
I don't see why you don't let me give up, why lord?


What is your plan for us?
What do you want to come out from this?
What are trying to show me?


Does he truly love me?
Is what he says is the truth?
Only you know his heart
Bring it out to the light
Open my eyes to what you want


I surrender it's in your hands
I give it up to you
Show me the right path
Please tell me what you want from me
Why does this always happen, why Lord....

Heart of Rejection #2 (Poem)

The love has been drained from my heart

The tears keep falling from my eyes
I gave you everything, I gave you my heart
A heart full of love and happiness
Now I have a heart of pain
Rejection, shame, worthlessness


I want answers to all my unanswered questions
Why can't you tell me the truth?
Why are you so unhappy?
Why do you always run away?


I wish you can be inside my head
so you know my truth
The truth of how I truly feel
How much I loved you
How much I wanted my dream come true
How much I wanted to be your wife
And have your children


All that is gone I no longer love you
I no longer want that dream come true
I no longer want to have your children
And most of all I no longer want to be your wife


I ask the Lord to help me to forgive
To forgive myself for all the anger
Forgive myself for the self hatred
For feeling abandoned and unloved


And wanting attention and wanting to be held
My heart will never heal
And now I have go on alone
Alone with no one here
Here to listen and care
All I have is me and me alone
Alone with myself
And never be the same again....

Heart of Rejection #1 (Poem)

The tears fall down my face

As the pain flows out my body
Feeling every hurtful word, every fight
Feeling all the anger at myself, all the self hatred
All the unanswered questions
The reasons why, the broken promises

I sit here blaming myself
Feeling I'm the blame for your actions
The anger I have for myself
feeling ashamed, embarrassed, worthless
Ashamed for feeliing I wasn't good enough
Embarrassed knowing it was my fault
Worthless because you always leave

A heart breaking in two
A heart crying out for you
Crying out for your love
Wanting you to love me
Wanting your attention
Wanting to hear you honestly, truly love me

I just want to know the truth
I want to know what's truly in your heart
What do you really think of me?
What do you want from me?

This anger has control over me
It's gripping my heart
It's taking over my mind
Thinking about how you've done me wrong

If you saw my broken heart on the floor
Would you fix the wound, would you handle it with care? 
You wouldn't, you haven't
You left it there to bleed and never looked back

You turned your back on me time and time again
Will I ever be good enough?
Will you ever truly give me your heart
Will you ever truly surrender to me?
Will You ever stop hurting me?

Don't ever shed tears over me
Dont ever say you're sorry
Keep telling yourself that I'll be ok
Keep telling yourself your doing  right by me, you're not 
Deep down you know your doing wrong
Keep singing that same old song 
Your the one that has to live with it
This is My Heart of Rejection

What I Wish He Would Say.... (Poem)

First of all,

Deep down I have a fear of not being a good son and brother 

And most of all of not being the man and husband you deserve

The loss of my father is the worst pain I have ever felt

Witnessing my fathers lasts breaths and doing everything I could to save him and not being successful

I have regrets of not telling him how feel and not saying goodbye

Most of all I have regrets for the things I have said bout him 

and more than anything I wish I could take it back

and for that I hate myself

I feel it's now my responsibility to protect my mother 

And mostly my baby sister

Please know I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders 

And it is very overwhelming

I have a lot to deal with a lot I can't really deal with too much

I need you to understand

But I want you to know this:

I want to truly apologize for the pain I have caused you

I know I'm really hurting you

I know you've put up with so much

And I know I have said a lot of hurtful things

know that I truly hate myself for that more than you know

It's a lot to ask for you to wait

But I need this time to get back on my feet

If you choose not to wait you are free to go

But know this

I don't want to lose you

I don't want you to go

I love you with all my heart

You are the love of my life 

While I do all this

I promise to tell you I love you

Day in and day out

And show you how much I appreciate everything you've done

It breaks my heart to have to do this to you yet again 

But I have to do this

I am not leaving you I couldn't

This is not goodbye

When all is settled I will come to you and we will

Live happily ever after.....

I love you 

Love, Always and forever

Your Love (Poem)

Your words are my lullaby

As your finger tips touch my face
Dreaming of your whisper saying "I love you"
You rub my forehead as I drift into a sweet bliss
Hearing your sweet voice whisper sweet nothings in my my ear

Feeling your breath on my ear
Smelling the sweet scent of your skin
Like fresh rain in the forrest
The smell of your clean clothes
Touching my body, taking you all in

Hoping the smell lingers on my bed
As I lay my head on your chest
Hearing your heartbeat
It sounds like a beautiful hymn sung by Angels
Loving each beat gripping my heart
so wonderfully, so beautifully

Healing every wound of my heart
Every heartbreak, every pain I've felt, every tear I've cried
It is no longer bleeding, no longer hurting

Your soul is peircing through my body
Feeling reborn, feeling happiness, feeling free
Freedom like I'm flying
Feeling the wind on my face
Seeing the beautiful scenery
Hearing all the sounds God gave us in the world

Hoping I can reach Heaven
Its not far away, you are my heaven
You are my Angel, you are my life and everthing in it
The reason I live, the reason I'm alive
The reason I love, the reason I strvive

I don't want to wake up
I don't want to lose this feeling
I don't want to lose that touch
I don't want to lose that whisper

You are my dream and you came true
You are my love, my hope
Everything beautiful, Everything wonderful
Being in love with you is my Bliss

Please never let go, please never leave
Hold on to me, hold on to my love
Make my dream come true
Make it reality, be there when I wake up
So I can smile and kiss you
Please make it come true......