Little Country Boy (Poem)

So tired of the back and forth bullshit
So tired of the mental and emotional abuse
You love looking down on me
You're tearing me down don't you see


You have to be the one to have the last word
The last say of how my life should be
Building me up and tearing me down
The minute my heart is healed
You open up the wound
You leave to bleed


You have no control of your life
So you have to control mine
Control my precious heart
And stealing who I am


Stealing who I am
With all the yelling, screaming 
And the mental abuse


Why do you hate yourself so much?
Why are you so ungrateful?
Why are you so angry?
Why are you so unhappy?


Fighting the demons in your head
Gripping who you don't want to be
Making you think your a man
A man doesn't lie, abuse
He knows how to treat a woman
Treats her with tender love and care


You think your tough
Your the weakest person I know
Running away from the truth
Not facing what you've done wrong 
Hiding from what's really there


Why are you so afraid? 
Afraid to let people see who you are


A person scared, selfish, mean, ungrateful
All you do is feel sorry for yourself 
Whining and crying poor me, poor me
It's just about you, that's what you call selfish
Thinking only of yourself


How can I love such a person?
It's because my whole life
Has been abuse, believing the lies
Being brain washed, that's what you do
You Brainwash me wash me to believe 
You don't love me


You don't love me 
You don't care
You are a lover of yourself
Never caring about my feelings 
Never wanting to deal with me


You can run away 
But I'll always be in the back of your head
The guilt will haunting you
My face will always there
You will never be free of me
Not until you face what you've done


You want to have the chains on you
You don't want to be free
You want to be stubborn
Why do you want to live like that?


You're only hurting yourself
You're torturing your heart
Your making yourself angry


You're just making me stronger
Making forget you
Making me hate you
Then you will no longer
Have someone to destroy 
All your going to have is yourself
The person you can't stand
The person you hate the most
Continue destroying yourself
Cause that's the only person you're destroying


I'll be free from you
What are you going to do then?
You're going to be lost
No one to turn to 
No one to control
What are you going to do then?


Do you feel like a man?
Do you feel tough?
You think you've won don't you?
No, you've lost
You're losing everything...


Little Country Boy, what the hell is wrong with you?!!!!!!.............

I'm Dying (Poem)

My body is tired of fighting this heartache
I have no strength left
It's slowly dying, it's slowly giving up
It no longer wants to keep going 
Its hard to breathe, it's hard be happy


I feel is unworthy
I feel not good enough
How much more can I take?
Will I ever be ok?


My chest hurts because my is broken
I feel it literally breaking
It knows it truly over
It doesn't want it to be true


Love is not strong enough to keep fighting
Forced to let go, forced to stop surviving
If I can't have you, I don't want to go on


Your love is my medicine
It keeps me smiling
It's food for my soul
It keeps me sane


Sane to live in this cruel world 
And shields  my heart from harm 
It takes me to a peaceful place
It helps me love myself


But you took it away
As you always do 
Maybe I was just there for you
To take you away from yourself
To take you away from your reality
It was just for you
Never thinking about what it would do to me


I'm sick to my stomach 
Thinking I'm nothing to you
Feeling anger knowing nothing I  can do 
Will make you love me


I'm slowly dying
A piece of me died
The piece that felt love
The piece that held on to you 
And believed it was forever


I'm slowly dying
Would you be happy if I did?
Would you be free of the guilt?
Would you finally smile?
Would you finally laugh?


I know you would
no more worry bout what you've done
You'll finally forgive yourself  
And be happy
I'm not I'm slowing dying
I can't fight this time
I give up, I don't want to fight
No more, no more


You took away all my strength....

Why Lord? (Poem)

Everytime I try to say goodbye
You stop me, why Lord?
Everytime the pain gets too overwhelming
You give me signs that I need to hold on, why Lord?


Why is he heavy on my heart?
Why do I hold onto him so tightly, why Lord?
Why can't you take is face out of my mind?
Why do the memories never fade away, why Lord?


He's done so many bad things
He's hurt me so badly 
I want to let go but you don't let me, why Lord?
Why do you want me to feel this pain?
I'm tired of fighting this
I'm tired of feeling weak
I hate the anger I have for him


I can't take this anymore
I can't go on like this
My heart is no longer strong
I just want to give up
I don't see why you don't let me give up, why lord?


What is your plan for us?
What do you want to come out from this?
What are trying to show me?


Does he truly love me?
Is what he says is the truth?
Only you know his heart
Bring it out to the light
Open my eyes to what you want


I surrender it's in your hands
I give it up to you
Show me the right path
Please tell me what you want from me
Why does this always happen, why Lord....

Heart of Rejection #2 (Poem)

The love has been drained from my heart

The tears keep falling from my eyes
I gave you everything, I gave you my heart
A heart full of love and happiness
Now I have a heart of pain
Rejection, shame, worthlessness


I want answers to all my unanswered questions
Why can't you tell me the truth?
Why are you so unhappy?
Why do you always run away?


I wish you can be inside my head
so you know my truth
The truth of how I truly feel
How much I loved you
How much I wanted my dream come true
How much I wanted to be your wife
And have your children


All that is gone I no longer love you
I no longer want that dream come true
I no longer want to have your children
And most of all I no longer want to be your wife


I ask the Lord to help me to forgive
To forgive myself for all the anger
Forgive myself for the self hatred
For feeling abandoned and unloved


And wanting attention and wanting to be held
My heart will never heal
And now I have go on alone
Alone with no one here
Here to listen and care
All I have is me and me alone
Alone with myself
And never be the same again....